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Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Well, as you can see, I've taken a bit of a break from writing anything in here. Things have been busier than hell, and right now I just feel like absolutely nothing is going right.
Things seem to be on the rocks with Dan lately. We argue about every little thing and it's just getting so old. I feel like I can't say anything to him without him getting pissed off or offended. He's not happy about being back at school, and he's taking it so hard that he's letting it affect every little thing. I'm just getting sick of trying to coax him through everything and force him to talk to me about what his issue is. He probably thinks I'm being just as big of a bitch, but that's mostly me just feeding off of his negativity. I don't know what to do about it. I just feel like I'm wasting my time trying to help him, and he just already has it in his head that he hates everything right now. I dunno. I just hope all this bickering stops soon, or I'm going to freak.
I'm sick right now, and it's making me really tired. Plus it's making my voice crap out. We had to sing our solos for the class today, and I sounded like shit and looked like an idiot who didn't know my song. Yeah, I was pretty upset. It seems like all my ideas of this year, musically, are not happening. Another thing is my placement in Symphonic. This sounds like the stupidest thing to be upset over, and it really truely is, but I was disappointed that I didn't make "molases", or top row. I have been the last two years, and then suddenly I get my spot taken by some sophmores, and I am down to the third row. It's idiotic, but it's really been rubbing me the wrong way. I feel like I've been demoted, even though I know I haven't really been.
Something happened today that sort of upset me, but I'm not sure who exactly it makes me upset with. Maybe it's just the whole situation that makes me upset. Am I mad that he quit talking to me over something so stupid? Am I upset that for so long I was avoided and made to feel like an idiot because I didn't know what I had done wrong? Am I annoyed that he "gave him permission" to talk to me again? It's just stupid!
My money is running thin. I just got the car, and now gas is $3 a gallon, which I'm not looking forward to.
Time to leave. Don't know when to expect me back.
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GUOTS!!!
It's MY life!
Don't you forget....
"You know what you do to me..."
A guy like you should have a warning!
"This is the worst fucking toast I have ever had!"
"I'm looking for someone who I can depend on, and who will depend on me. And... I saw that in you."
"Man... this is what I want..."
"Oh, well, you winked at me and my pants caught on fire"
So here I am
And from the back of my mind
An image, a memory,
Another ghost
You won’t be coming back again
"You don't recover from a night like this..."
I always was one for proving people wrong
"God... I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to hug you. I wanted to take you home and place you on my shelf. But I can't..."
"You are just devine"
It's funny, because now I look back on that night, and I can see it with such clarity. I think about that night, and what happened. It was like you were begging me. You were begging me to love you; to not let you down. It was different than I have ever been begged with before. For the first time, someone was looking me right in the eyes, and pleading with me, and I knew that it was okay if I said no. It was okay if I let them down. Because I knew that no matter what choice I made in that moment, that they loved me. And that they would continue to love me, unconditionally. That is why I said yes. That is why I let you in, and did what I did. I did it because I knew that it would have been okay if I hadn't...
"Because, if you fall... you fall, man!"
"You are a dark chocolate with the cream filling..."
"It will always be there"
Just because I love him... that will never take away from how much I can love you. My heart is endless. And you will always be my everything, even if he is my something....
"I figure if a have chocolate then everybody will love me."
****: ha, you make me laugh
^^^^: you make me shwing
If all my days go wrong, I'll think about that night.
It went right.
"I think you are forgetting what we have. Or had... in your eyes"
People are often unreasonable
and selfcentered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind people may
accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest,
people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness,
people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today
may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have
and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end
it is between you and God.
It was never between
you and them anyway.
-Mother Teresa
Where I need to be...
Seaside, Oregon
Under a willow tree (in Spring)
Backpacking Europe
New York City
La Seine (at night)
Alaska
The countryside (any will do)
The mountains
"You're the worst fucking fire fucker I've ever met!"
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