First Everythings

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I Knew It

'Cause Heaven forbid we should see each other twice in one week!

Posted at 09:00 pm by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(3) Permalink

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Fuck It Or Fix It; It's All The Same.

I seem to be on an emotional roller coaster lately, and I don't even know why.

I'm up, I'm down, I'm bouncing all over the place, even when nothing has changed.

Posted at 11:23 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

"Do You Want Me To Call You [Tomorrow]?"

[Shooting Stars]: Wanting A Nap
[Satellites]: Statue - Low Millions

I'm eating some asparagus soup that Sarah tried to make. It's boring. It needs salt and pepper.

I was supposed to call Sarah Price back like 2 weeks ago, and still haven't. I was supposed to call Rick and Chrissie to set up a double date about 3 months ago, and still haven't. I hate phones. And I really suck. Sorry.

I started training at Baskin Robins today. It was fine. The job won't be hard, I just have to memorize some stuff. I have to go to the Northtown store tomorrow for my first day. Shit. Oh, and looks like I have to work the afternoon of the 8th. Only for two hours, but that still puts a bit of a kink in the plans. But it's okay, we can work it out. We just need a lot of bus fare for that day.

I skipped the Cold Stone "audition". I just decided, whatever.

Anyways.

You are different. And I'm sure I am different towards you. We are different, than we used to be... We aren't really close anymore. We don't need to be to stay together and connected. It's automatic now, and there's never really much feeling put in it. It's not a spontaneous thing, where someone needs the other and then it happens.It is planned and schedualed, and that's the only thing there. is. Yeah... it's different. Last night was sad.

TV and soup time. Goodbye.

Posted at 05:06 pm by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(1) Permalink

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

"Only A Few People Can Call Me That. You're Good..."

[Shooting Stars]: Normal
[Satellites]: Sorry - Maria Mena

Ah, another sad sad song on my list.

Today I saw two flashes from the past. It was ten minutes until close, and who do I see walking through the store but Ryan Sorey and Brian "BJ" Galloway. Man, I haven't seen those two since 8th grade. And I haven't really been around them since 6th. When they saw me their eyes widened and they stopped in their tracks to come talk to me. Both of them dropped out freshman year, and I guess BJ has been living across from Ferris in those apartments for a while now. He told me that he's coming back to school this next year though, which is cool to hear. I always liked that kid, and it was really disappointing to see how many of the boys from the early days went bad. At least he's trying to fix it up, at least somewhat. Anyways, it was cool seeing them again.

Dan came over this morning, we hung out, then went to lunch and hung out at the 29th strip. Then he rode the bus home, and I rode to work. Ha, there was this guy who got on the bus right before Dan's stop to get off. He was a good looking guy, tan and muscley, who had obviously just gotten done doing some manly work, because he was in dusty work clothes (in a hott way, not a nasty way), and Dan whispered a comment "Oh no, I have trouble now once I leave" as a joke. Well, as soon as Dan gets off, the guy actually does turn to me and starts talking to me. His name in Jason-Alexander, he works construction, and was trying to find his way downtown but was on the wrong bus. But anyways.

Work was easy, boring, and I got done early. Tomorrow is a big sale, and it's supposed to be crazy and a mess. Ha, I'm off.

I got a call from a guy at Cold Stone, and now they want me to come for an interview too. Or as they called it, an "audition". It's right after my training tomorrow at Baskin Robins. Ha, I am a work whore.

So um, this morning I broke. I suck.

I'm gonna go. My brother wants on, and I want to go put pictures in my new frames that I bought. Bye.

Posted at 11:41 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

Friday, August 26, 2005

"Make It A Slow One..."

Yesterday was long and tiring. But good.

I went out with Jordan around noon. It was the first time I'd seen him since the one day this summer with Megan, and other than that pretty much the first time we'd hung out in 6 months or so. I was really surprised that he wanted to see me. We went to Manito and just walked around talking and talking, not really about anything important but just catching up on things. I did ask him though, why he finally decided to call me. He said that it just sort of hit him that we needed to still be friends and that he missed me, and this time he actually wanted to do something to fix this. So yeah... Then we headed over to Quiznos for lunch, which was great. Then we got back in the car and drove to my house and just hung out on the trampoline. That brought back memories. I asked him if it weren't for things with Tina, would he have ever called me, and he said yes. I'm not sure if I believe that.

There's a lot of mixed feelings about this right now. There's so many things I think we still need to talk about, but I didn't want to ruin our first day back. I don't know what I should talk to him about, and what I should just leave alone because it's not my business anymore. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens when he gets back in town. All I know is that when we hung out, I could still see the real Jordan in him. Jordie is still there, somewhere.

After he left I got ready because I had an interview at Baskin Robins. Long story short, she offered me a job, and I'm going to take it, which means today I have to turn in my two weeks at JCP. It's weird, and I almost feel guilty. But I know this is how things work, and it won't be the first time someone has quit there. So yeah, goodbye retail, hello food services. Ha.

Then I headed over to Kaiti's house so I could finally give her the earings I bought her. She liked them, so that was good. I ended up staying for dinner (pizza) and we watched Footloose. Ave was suppossed to pick me up at 8:00, but he was running WAY late, so I stayed with Kaiti until about 10:30 watching TV. It was nice actually seeing her, which I've hardly done all summer.

Well, so Avery picked me up, finally, and we went to the gas station to get me some coffee because Starbucks was closed. Then we went back to my house to talk. We sat down in the basement and I acted like an idiot for for a bit while I cried over everything I could think of, most of which is still a year away and doesn't matter yet. I'm just really unprepared for this next year. Everything is going to be different: people are leaving, people are coming back, I have to get ready for college and take the SAT and get my senior pictures done, I'm a senior now! I'm going to have a new job, a new car that I still need to learn to drive, and I'm going to be responsible for all the things around my house that Sarah has been all this time. I'm scared for this year, but I'm really scared for next year. And it seems like all the people that I talk to about this shit are leaving. I dunno. So I just tweaked out for a while until I had run dry.

We had another thing to talk about too. I never know what to feel when we talk about it. I get mad and sad and upset, as if it were back when it actually happened. But things are different now, so why does it still bother me? I dunno. But I seemed so much more angry and bitter this time. Maybe it was because of all the other things bugging me last night, I don't know.

He finally left my house around 1:30 am, and then I crawled into bed.

*Sigh*, long day. And now I have to go work, so I'll talk to you people later.

Posted at 12:11 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I Lost My Entry. So Here Are One Line Run Downs Of What Was There.

You don't need me, and you never did.

I spent the day in the basement.

I'm itching for tomorrow, because I have to know what is up.

I hate people.

What am I going to do without you?

Posted at 12:07 am by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(3) Permalink

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Even Though I Know, I Don't Wanna Know. Yeah, I Guess I Know. I Just Hate How It Sounds

Ugh, I am so hungry right now. But I am fighting the urge to eat. Or at least trying. I have gotten so amazingly fat over this summer, and it is just disgusting and embarassing. I don't want to come back to school and be the girl who let herself go. Even I have looked at the girls who have come back looking worse after a summer and thought rude things. Yuck, I'm so sick of being fat.

Ok, so I looked like a complete idiot today, and now I wished I hadn't even called. It was suppossed to be this light-hearted friendly thing, and I tried so hard to make it sound like that, but I'm sure you saw it as just some pathetic attempt at flirting or hitting on you.

For the record, I was not asking you on a date. I was thinking of it the same as I do when I hang out with Avery.

You really don't like being around me anymore, do you? I can tell. Ever since that day, you have avoided me like the plague. I wish you wouldn't feel so akward, and make such a big deal out of it. Because I liked hanging out before, and you were always so much fun. But now you just act scared or like I'm an idiot. Whatever.

I'm sleepy. Time to go.

Posted at 11:01 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

He Likes To Pretend He's From Mexico

[Shooting Stars]: Much Pain and Discomfort
[Satellites]: ATHF Theme Song

I just spent about 30 minutes trying to break into my bedroom. I came home from work and found my room locked, with pretty much no way in. We finally got the door off of the hinges, but not before I broke down and cried for a while, I slicked my thumb open, and I told off my step mom. So yea...

Dan was supposed to be online at 10:30. He still hasn't gotten on. What a loser. Anyways, him and I hung out this morning, and then went to lunch before I had to work. While we were shopping I bought a pair of jeans, a Death Cab For Cutie messenger bag for school, and about a dozen pins from Hot Topic.

I talked to my manager about my work schedual during the school year, and we decided that I'm just going to work the full day shift each Sunday. So that actually isn't too bad. If I get a call from one of the other places, then I can deal with it then. But this at least works for now.

I think I saw a tall blonde angel today... *Sigh*, is it possible to be in love?

Posted at 12:28 am by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(1) Permalink

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Can't Stop Coughing

So last night when Dan called, we fought for a while about how stupid he's been this last week. Then he had to go, so he said he would call me back later.

About 30 minutes later, I was sitting down in the basement at my dad's house, watching a movie with Derek, when all of a sudden Dan walks in the room. He rode about 8 miles on his bike just to see me and say he was sorry. He only got to stay for about 45 minutes too before he had to go back home. So that was quite a surprise.

I am totally sick of work. It is just a pain in the ass. And I need to give my legs a break. But of course, I have to work the next two days. I really hope one of the other places calls me about my application!

Posted at 08:58 pm by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(1) Permalink

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Out Of The Corner Of My Eye

Fuck. Times a million and one, fuck. I think I just ruined about half of my great pictures. Is there any way to get ink off of them, or am I screwed?

I think we are at the start of an official fight. Lets see what happens.

Today was the busiest day of work I have had yet. It was crazy. I'm so glad I didn't have to close.

I have to go deal with this mess. Ttyl.

Posted at 06:58 pm by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(3) Permalink