First Everythings

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Are You Sick Of My Whinning Yet?

[Shooting Stars]: Lame
[Satellites]: I Hate Myself (For Loosing You) - Kelly Clarkson

Have you ever met someone, and it just seems like there is no way to protect yourself from them? Every little thing they do gets under your skin. You can't resist them, or anything they say. And every little action they do you notice, and you run over and over in your head trying to analize it.

He didn't even say anything to me. But what he did just drove me out of my mind. And then he was gone, and all of my plans went with him. All of my carefully picked words disappeared, and I was left feeling like an idiot. How do such stupid little things getting you spinning in circles like that?

Have you ever met one of those people? It's just insane.

Posted at 03:35 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

No. Time. For. You.

Well, as you can see, I've taken a bit of a break from writing anything in here. Things have been busier than hell, and right now I just feel like absolutely nothing is going right.

Things seem to be on the rocks with Dan lately. We argue about every little thing and it's just getting so old. I feel like I can't say anything to him without him getting pissed off or offended. He's not happy about being back at school, and he's taking it so hard that he's letting it affect every little thing. I'm just getting sick of trying to coax him through everything and force him to talk to me about what his issue is. He probably thinks I'm being just as big of a bitch, but that's mostly me just feeding off of his negativity. I don't know what to do about it. I just feel like I'm wasting my time trying to help him, and he just already has it in his head that he hates everything right now. I dunno. I just hope all this bickering stops soon, or I'm going to freak.

I'm sick right now, and it's making me really tired. Plus it's making my voice crap out. We had to sing our solos for the class today, and I sounded like shit and looked like an idiot who didn't know my song. Yeah, I was pretty upset. It seems like all my ideas of this year, musically, are not happening. Another thing is my placement in Symphonic. This sounds like the stupidest thing to be upset over, and it really truely is, but I was disappointed that I didn't make "molases", or top row. I have been the last two years, and then suddenly I get my spot taken by some sophmores, and I am down to the third row. It's idiotic, but it's really been rubbing me the wrong way. I feel like I've been demoted, even though I know I haven't really been.

Something happened today that sort of upset me, but I'm not sure who exactly it makes me upset with. Maybe it's just the whole situation that makes me upset. Am I mad that he quit talking to me over something so stupid? Am I upset that for so long I was avoided and made to feel like an idiot because I didn't know what I had done wrong? Am I annoyed that he "gave him permission" to talk to me again? It's just stupid!

My money is running thin. I just got the car, and now gas is $3 a gallon, which I'm not looking forward to.

Time to leave. Don't know when to expect me back.

Posted at 05:57 pm by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(1) Permalink

Saturday, September 03, 2005

"In My Mind..."

It was scary. That's the point.

Here is my info: Your parents are gone, and you have the house alone to yourself for the weekend. You should be home, yet you are not, and you could be anywhere. You are supposed to be going out with a girl who I know absolutely nothing about, and that I have never met. I was leaving town, and had no way to get ahold of you. The last time my boyfriend went out with a girl while I was out of town, my life as I knew it completely fell apart.

So tell me if you can understand why I would be upset that this is the first I have heard from you in two days. Tell me if you now get my point.

I have thought about him a lot lately. I think I even dreamed of him. Well not him, but what happened. And so yeah, I was scared. I was nervous. And you did nothing to ease that nervousness.

Posted at 10:30 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I Knew It

'Cause Heaven forbid we should see each other twice in one week!

Posted at 09:00 pm by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(3) Permalink

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Fuck It Or Fix It; It's All The Same.

I seem to be on an emotional roller coaster lately, and I don't even know why.

I'm up, I'm down, I'm bouncing all over the place, even when nothing has changed.

Posted at 11:23 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

"Do You Want Me To Call You [Tomorrow]?"

[Shooting Stars]: Wanting A Nap
[Satellites]: Statue - Low Millions

I'm eating some asparagus soup that Sarah tried to make. It's boring. It needs salt and pepper.

I was supposed to call Sarah Price back like 2 weeks ago, and still haven't. I was supposed to call Rick and Chrissie to set up a double date about 3 months ago, and still haven't. I hate phones. And I really suck. Sorry.

I started training at Baskin Robins today. It was fine. The job won't be hard, I just have to memorize some stuff. I have to go to the Northtown store tomorrow for my first day. Shit. Oh, and looks like I have to work the afternoon of the 8th. Only for two hours, but that still puts a bit of a kink in the plans. But it's okay, we can work it out. We just need a lot of bus fare for that day.

I skipped the Cold Stone "audition". I just decided, whatever.

Anyways.

You are different. And I'm sure I am different towards you. We are different, than we used to be... We aren't really close anymore. We don't need to be to stay together and connected. It's automatic now, and there's never really much feeling put in it. It's not a spontaneous thing, where someone needs the other and then it happens.It is planned and schedualed, and that's the only thing there. is. Yeah... it's different. Last night was sad.

TV and soup time. Goodbye.

Posted at 05:06 pm by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(1) Permalink

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

"Only A Few People Can Call Me That. You're Good..."

[Shooting Stars]: Normal
[Satellites]: Sorry - Maria Mena

Ah, another sad sad song on my list.

Today I saw two flashes from the past. It was ten minutes until close, and who do I see walking through the store but Ryan Sorey and Brian "BJ" Galloway. Man, I haven't seen those two since 8th grade. And I haven't really been around them since 6th. When they saw me their eyes widened and they stopped in their tracks to come talk to me. Both of them dropped out freshman year, and I guess BJ has been living across from Ferris in those apartments for a while now. He told me that he's coming back to school this next year though, which is cool to hear. I always liked that kid, and it was really disappointing to see how many of the boys from the early days went bad. At least he's trying to fix it up, at least somewhat. Anyways, it was cool seeing them again.

Dan came over this morning, we hung out, then went to lunch and hung out at the 29th strip. Then he rode the bus home, and I rode to work. Ha, there was this guy who got on the bus right before Dan's stop to get off. He was a good looking guy, tan and muscley, who had obviously just gotten done doing some manly work, because he was in dusty work clothes (in a hott way, not a nasty way), and Dan whispered a comment "Oh no, I have trouble now once I leave" as a joke. Well, as soon as Dan gets off, the guy actually does turn to me and starts talking to me. His name in Jason-Alexander, he works construction, and was trying to find his way downtown but was on the wrong bus. But anyways.

Work was easy, boring, and I got done early. Tomorrow is a big sale, and it's supposed to be crazy and a mess. Ha, I'm off.

I got a call from a guy at Cold Stone, and now they want me to come for an interview too. Or as they called it, an "audition". It's right after my training tomorrow at Baskin Robins. Ha, I am a work whore.

So um, this morning I broke. I suck.

I'm gonna go. My brother wants on, and I want to go put pictures in my new frames that I bought. Bye.

Posted at 11:41 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

Friday, August 26, 2005

"Make It A Slow One..."

Yesterday was long and tiring. But good.

I went out with Jordan around noon. It was the first time I'd seen him since the one day this summer with Megan, and other than that pretty much the first time we'd hung out in 6 months or so. I was really surprised that he wanted to see me. We went to Manito and just walked around talking and talking, not really about anything important but just catching up on things. I did ask him though, why he finally decided to call me. He said that it just sort of hit him that we needed to still be friends and that he missed me, and this time he actually wanted to do something to fix this. So yeah... Then we headed over to Quiznos for lunch, which was great. Then we got back in the car and drove to my house and just hung out on the trampoline. That brought back memories. I asked him if it weren't for things with Tina, would he have ever called me, and he said yes. I'm not sure if I believe that.

There's a lot of mixed feelings about this right now. There's so many things I think we still need to talk about, but I didn't want to ruin our first day back. I don't know what I should talk to him about, and what I should just leave alone because it's not my business anymore. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens when he gets back in town. All I know is that when we hung out, I could still see the real Jordan in him. Jordie is still there, somewhere.

After he left I got ready because I had an interview at Baskin Robins. Long story short, she offered me a job, and I'm going to take it, which means today I have to turn in my two weeks at JCP. It's weird, and I almost feel guilty. But I know this is how things work, and it won't be the first time someone has quit there. So yeah, goodbye retail, hello food services. Ha.

Then I headed over to Kaiti's house so I could finally give her the earings I bought her. She liked them, so that was good. I ended up staying for dinner (pizza) and we watched Footloose. Ave was suppossed to pick me up at 8:00, but he was running WAY late, so I stayed with Kaiti until about 10:30 watching TV. It was nice actually seeing her, which I've hardly done all summer.

Well, so Avery picked me up, finally, and we went to the gas station to get me some coffee because Starbucks was closed. Then we went back to my house to talk. We sat down in the basement and I acted like an idiot for for a bit while I cried over everything I could think of, most of which is still a year away and doesn't matter yet. I'm just really unprepared for this next year. Everything is going to be different: people are leaving, people are coming back, I have to get ready for college and take the SAT and get my senior pictures done, I'm a senior now! I'm going to have a new job, a new car that I still need to learn to drive, and I'm going to be responsible for all the things around my house that Sarah has been all this time. I'm scared for this year, but I'm really scared for next year. And it seems like all the people that I talk to about this shit are leaving. I dunno. So I just tweaked out for a while until I had run dry.

We had another thing to talk about too. I never know what to feel when we talk about it. I get mad and sad and upset, as if it were back when it actually happened. But things are different now, so why does it still bother me? I dunno. But I seemed so much more angry and bitter this time. Maybe it was because of all the other things bugging me last night, I don't know.

He finally left my house around 1:30 am, and then I crawled into bed.

*Sigh*, long day. And now I have to go work, so I'll talk to you people later.

Posted at 12:11 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I Lost My Entry. So Here Are One Line Run Downs Of What Was There.

You don't need me, and you never did.

I spent the day in the basement.

I'm itching for tomorrow, because I have to know what is up.

I hate people.

What am I going to do without you?

Posted at 12:07 am by ac_repair_love
'cause I'm falling for you(3) Permalink

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Even Though I Know, I Don't Wanna Know. Yeah, I Guess I Know. I Just Hate How It Sounds

Ugh, I am so hungry right now. But I am fighting the urge to eat. Or at least trying. I have gotten so amazingly fat over this summer, and it is just disgusting and embarassing. I don't want to come back to school and be the girl who let herself go. Even I have looked at the girls who have come back looking worse after a summer and thought rude things. Yuck, I'm so sick of being fat.

Ok, so I looked like a complete idiot today, and now I wished I hadn't even called. It was suppossed to be this light-hearted friendly thing, and I tried so hard to make it sound like that, but I'm sure you saw it as just some pathetic attempt at flirting or hitting on you.

For the record, I was not asking you on a date. I was thinking of it the same as I do when I hang out with Avery.

You really don't like being around me anymore, do you? I can tell. Ever since that day, you have avoided me like the plague. I wish you wouldn't feel so akward, and make such a big deal out of it. Because I liked hanging out before, and you were always so much fun. But now you just act scared or like I'm an idiot. Whatever.

I'm sleepy. Time to go.

Posted at 11:01 pm by ac_repair_love
You can't stop my heart... Permalink